Dude, That's Just Weird
by SeasonVelvet
Summary: Well, it's a romantic comedy between Draco and Hermione. So that leaves two options. It's either funny alot, or really romantic...hmm...I wonder what could possibly happen...it's a mystery to me, really...oo, this is a hard one...umm...ahh...


Just a regular day.

Hermione lay in bed, wide awake.

See; therein lie the problem of living in a boarding school. The restrictions. If she were at home, for example, she could simply just get up and go to the kitchen for a little late-night snaking. Or travel off to the living room and be entertained by humorous late-night television. Of course, this being a school, leaving your dormitory after 9 was against the rules. And, this being a wizarding school, TV's were unheard of. She loved the wizarding world, she really did, but even she couldn't deny their need to get into the twenty-first century. _Electricity __is__ an option, you know._

So she lay there, debating whether or not to risk getting caught. The idea of roaming the halls all alone at night gave her mixed emotions of excitement and fear. The idea of being alone wasn't as frightening to her as one might think. Her mind gravitated towards the idea of just being with herself, without anyone else there. _It could be fun,_ thought a voice in her head, and for a second she actually listened to it.

_What, am I crazy?! _She thought back at the voice, coming to her senses. _I could get detention! Or worse. . ._

_- Oh, come on. What are you, afraid?_

_No._

_- Then what's holding you back?_

_Because it's not allowed, that's why!_

_- Since when do you care about the rules?_

_Since forever._

_- Oh yeah?_ It said, knowing that both she and it knew exactly how many times her, Ron, and Harry had broken the rules before.

_Hey, those were extreme circumstances!_

It snickered at her.

_You -- !_

_- Can't go anywhere by yourself these days, huh?_ It said.

_I can so!_

_- Then prove it._

_Fine! I will!_

_Err! No, I can't!_

_- WHY NOT?!_

_Because. ._

_- This is your home as much as it is a school! If you can't get to sleep, then they bloody well better let you get something to eat!_

_I don't know. ._

_- Just GO!_

_FINE!_

She threw her sweaty blankets off and swung her legs around the side of her bed. She sat there and breathed for a second, gathering up her courage. She contemplated whether or not to get dressed, and decided on putting a sweater over top of her pajama shirt.

She stood up quietly and surveyed the room, making sure everyone else was asleep. Nobody abruptly sat up in their bed's and yelled at her for being up, so she figured she was safe.

Stealth wasn't exactly her forte, but to her relief she succeeded in walking through the common room without alerting anyone of her presence. But that was far from being the tricky part. Now, she had to get through the portrait . . . and having the Fat Lady there was going to prove to be a huge problem.

_Well, I guess this is the end of the line. At least I tried, _she thought, turning around.

_- That's it!? You're going to give up just like that!? Coward!_

_Shut up._

_- Cow-ward! Cow-ward! Cow-ward! Cow-ward! _The voice taunted in a sing-song voice.

_Shut up!_

_- COW-WARD! COW-WARD! COW-WARD! COW-WARD!_

_ALRIGHT!! _

She knew the voice was smiling evilly for making her agree – because that's what it was. Evil.

She glanced around the common room, afraid someone would see her, although logically she knew they were all asleep in their beds. _Like I should be._

GASP

A light bulb went off in her head.

_No no no no, I can't do that._

_- And why not?_

_Because someone might see me, that's why!!_

_- COW –_

_Okay! I'll do it._

_- Good._

_I hate you, you know._

_- How can you hate me? I'm you. Just. . .better. . ._

_Ha. In your dreams._

_- Actually, in our dreams –_

_Shut up! _She hissed at it, embarrassed. She could barely admit to herself the theme of her dreams and dare she admit it, day-dreams were.

Yes. That's right folks. Hermione Granger thought about sex.

_- Hermione and –_

_Shhh!_

_-- sitting in a tree, K – I – S – S – I – N - G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes –_

_SHHHH!_

_-- in a baby carriage._

She heard its evil laughter rang through her head as she tip-toed her way up the stairs and into the boy's dorm. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought she might injure herself. Like being high, and feeling your heart pound faster and faster out of your control. Not that Hermione had ever smoked pot. .

She was jerked out of her momentary revere when she heard a slight movement. She made a sharp intake of breath with widened eyes as she flew to the floor. She waited there for what seemed like forever, not about to risk moving too soon in the event that someone might wake up.

It wouldn't have been so bad if she were to get caught up and about in the girl's room. No, that would have been fine, or well, better. But no. She had to be in the boy's room, where upon discovery she would be mortified and probably humiliated.

She crawled along the floor in a cat like fashion, careful to make the least noise possible. What amazed her though, was the fact that the boy's room was neater than the girl's. _This is probably a good thing, considering I'm crawling around on the floor like an animal._

Finally, she reached the foot of Harry's bed. She stood slowly and peered over at him, extremely thankful he was still sleeping like a baby. Except, his face was scrunched up and his head was slightly moving back and forth. Okay, so maybe he was sleeping less like a baby and more like someone having a terrible nightmare, but at least he _was_ sleeping. Which was definitely better than the alternative: him awake.

Unfortunately, she didn't have time to act the concerned friend. She needed what she came for and needed it now before her grumbling stomach gave her away to the entire lot of 'em.

Moving with extreme caution, she pulled his trunk out from underneath his bed and unzipped it slowly to reveal the exact thing she was looking for. _Thank you, _she prayed to whichever muggle god was looking over her. She picked up Harry's invisibility cloak and draped it around her. Relaxing a little, knowing no one could see her, she re-zipped Harry's trunk and pushed it back under his bed. She thought briefly about how hard it was going to be to put it back, but resolved to cross that bridge when she came to it. Right now, all her thoughts were of the food variety.

She walked out of the boy's dorm, feeling deliciously sneaky. Maybe she was right in taking this chance after all.

She stood in front of the portrait and whispered the password, hoping for a trouble free exit. The portrait swung open and she hesitantly walked through, even though she knew the Fat Lady would not be able to see her.

She stepped out into the hall and looked back the Fat Lady. Her eyes were darting around the hall, looking frightened.

"Who's there?" She demanded, holder her umbrella up as a weapon. Without thinking Hermione giggled at the sight, but immediately regretted it when she saw the Fat Lady's eyes widen.

"I can hear you!" She said in a shrill voice that was becoming increasingly louder. "I know you're there! I hear you! Who are you?! I know you're there!!"

The voice faded as Hermione sprinted down the hall, her heart beating even faster than before. _Someone's going to hear her, someone's going to hear her. _She repeated worriedly whilst thinking of the Fat Lady, still running as fast as she could through the halls. Eyes followed her as she went, the portraits looking around suspiciously for the source of the foot steps.

She only started to calm down once she reached the entry of the kitchen.

She had made it.

She breathed a sigh of relief, and finally let herself feel the exhilaration you get after doing something you aren't supposed to. It had been so long since she had felt it. Sure, she had broken the rules many times before, but those times had been so serious and important the rules didn't even matter anymore.

You don't feel exhilarated when you're breaking rules to save peoples lives. No. That's when you feel sick and worried beyond belief.

It was nice to be doing something normal. Something someone her age might do. Being a rule-breaking teenager was really underrated. Of course, she was no rebel, but still. . .

_I told you_. Said the evil voice.

_Yeah yeah_ she responded, secretly glad for it.

She took off the cloak and pushed open the kitchen door, wondering what she was going to eat. _Maybe I'll even be able to set a house-elf free. ._

But what she saw inside wiped the relieved smile right off her face. There was Malfoy, sitting at the table eating a piece of chocolate cake.

_Shit._

His head jerked up and he looked at her, momentarily frightened. But much to her displeasure, the frightened expression quickly melted into his usual expression around her. There was only one way to describe it: smirking distate.

"Well, if it isn't Hermione Granger. Where's Potty and Weasel? They still a little sore after getting their asses kicked today in Quidditch?"

She glared at him for a moment, not moving from the doorway.

"Yes, please, don't come in. At least then one of us will be able to enjoy their snack."

She opened her mouth to say something rude but her stomach growl interrupted.

"Don –

"Just keep eating, Malfoy." She said, cutting him off.

"Tell me what to do again Granger, and I'll set another gigantic snake after you. Trust me when I say it'll do more than petrify you."

Her anger flared but she ignored him, and instead walked towards the fridge. She had long learned that Malfoy was not worth her time (_the idiotic git_), and in doing so was able to ignore his jabs at her. But everyone had their limits.

"What, no come back? Losing your rights as Prefect for a week must have really tamed you. I'll admit I'm a bit disappointed."

She clenched her jaw, but again ignored him. She searched the fridge looking for something portable, but the only things inside were a carton of milk and a chocolate cake, missing only one piece. She wondered if someone left them in there on purpose, solely for hungry kitchen-raiding kids. You have to admit, it did look suspicious.

She lifted the cake out and set it on the counter, closing the fridge door with her foot. Searching the drawers for a knife and fork, she heard Malfoy laugh from behind her. She jumped and dropped her knife, causing him to laugh further. She sent him daggers with her glare and bent down to pick it up.

"Where did you get such hideous pajama pants? It looks as if your Grandma picked out your clothing."

Grabbing another knife she replied absently, "that would mean I had a Grandma who cared enough about me to buy me clothing." She turned to him and finished with false sweetness, "But I'm sure you know all about that, right, Malfoy?" 

His face contorted in anger, his lips tight in a hateful glower.

"I mean, sometimes she even goes as far as to accompany me to school functions! My parents even come! God, what a nightmare that is!" She said with false dramatics. "And can you imagine them kissing me and hugging me and telling me they _looove_ me? In front of all my friends too!" She shook her head, mockingly exasperated. "Parents."

His eyes blazed, warning her that maybe she had gone to far. Everyone knew that Malfoy and his parents weren't exactly close.

Baking cookies on a Saturday afternoon was to the Malfoys as the reality of magic was to Muggles.

He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything that would lead to something disastrous, Nevel entered the kitchen.

He rubbed his eyes sleepily before they focused on Draco and Hermione.

"Hermione?"


End file.
